This goal could have been easily accomplished by checking the apps just a handful of times per week. And yet, what I ended up doing was checking them a handful of times per hour — at home, on my commute, at work, on special occasions.
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I once almost missed the hotel shuttle to a wedding ceremony because How to get help with hookup was caught up in a flirting session with a "curious straight guy" on Tinder.
But I still remember what it was like to be checking them every few minutes, always feeling a mini rush of excitement every time yet another person confirmed my fuckability. But how, exactly, do the apps make it so easy for us to get hooked in the first place? And what can we do to quit? Earlier this month, Rich Juzwiak at Gawker dove into the reasons why gay men in particular can become dependent on hook-up apps.
He suggested that there's a correlation between feeling innately undesirable — something gay men are prone to do, often as a result of growing up in predominantly heteronormative environments — and developing a nagging adult need to constantly gather evidence to the contrary. This idea gets to the heart of what was going on with me during my peak usage.
Every expression of interest from a new guy served as a quick shot of validation for the insecure year-old in me who used to work out to Richard Simmons VHS tapes and steal diet pills from Wal-Mart. Nancy Jo Sales, author of American Girls: This pattern explains why I compulsively checked my apps throughout the day, even when I knew it wasn't really the right time or place. Let me just check when he was last online.
So let's say you're one of those people who is addicted to a hookup app. You recognize the addiction and you want to quit.
How the hell do you go from being one of those perpetual " deleting soon " people to being the rare success story who actually breaks the cycle for good? Given that I was using the apps as a stand-in for the relationship that I ultimately wanted, this easily explains how I managed to quit.
Once I developed a connection with someone offline, shallow greetings from online strangers suddenly seemed so unfulfilling by comparison. But of course you don't have to magically meet the love of your life overnight to begin the recovery process.