She is just one of many black women who told me that black men were judging their potential as a suitable romantic partner by the hue of their skin tone.
Growing up I was very aware that if you had light eyes, long wavy hair, fair skin… basically anything the opposite of my thick full afro and brown skin, you were going to get far more male attention. Decades later, my journey Black women dating revealed not enough has changed. A quick search of the issues online produces Black women dating headlines, and there are high profile personalities who are accused of insulting and making fun of dark skin black women.
Black professional Amina believes the men she has grown up with were exposed to a very European, Caucasian aesthetic in the media, which has meant they find it easier to relate to women who have lighter skin tones. Or could the answers be buried deeper in black consciousness? I met a psychotherapist who runs a group for black women.
Dawn Estefan says historical factors are to Black women dating.
At this point I have a slightly awkward question to put to you. How dark do you have to be, to have an opinion on colourism? Clare Anyam Asigwe, a dermatologist, was told she was not dark enough to Black women dating an opinion.
She says she has seen a worrying increase in the number of African and Caribbean women attending her Harley Street clinic to ask for advice on the best way to lighten their skin.
The same is true of one in five black African men. Mixed-race relationships are now common and, in my view, are a positive sign of an integrated and diverse society.
But are these statistics also a sign that black men are falling out of love with black women? Entrepreneur Ofalabi blames media stereotyping, while actor Kadeem tells me some of his friends are looking for a white girlfriend like celebrity Kim Kardashian.
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“I don't date black women” was a sentence she'd heard. The dating environment can be notoriously harsh, but for black women who encounter misogynoir and colourism it can feel like an impossible space to navigate.
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